Challaine (00:32)
And welcome to today's episode of Let's Have a Chat. If you need some motivation in your life, then today is the day that you need to listen to this episode. I've got Debbie Kinney with me and she has been featured as one of the top 100 women in My Vegas Magazine. So that's super cool. And I bet that didn't happen overnight. So Debbie, thank you so much for being here today. I really appreciate you taking the time.
Debi Kinney @coachdebikinney (00:56)
Thank you for having me. I'm so excited
to be here and I'm excited to jump right in and get going and chat.
Challaine (01:01)
Absolutely. feel like people are, and like women specifically are like in a slump of we've got these goals and these dreams and someday, someday, like long-term plan, 40, 50 years, how can we, I'm just, I'm going in right now. Like how can we like today, I've got these 50 year goals, how can I start reaching them today? Because as we hear all the time,
Debi Kinney @coachdebikinney (01:20)
and let's go. Let's dive deep.
Challaine (01:31)
Today is what matters, right? You have to be present. Yeah, the future is important, but how can we get there if we don't take action today? So how can we start taking action?
Debi Kinney @coachdebikinney (01:34)
Absolutely, you have to be present.
The key to that is really taking those big dreams and taking those big goals and reducing them down into like bite-sized steps so that the starting of the thing doesn't feel so out there or overwhelming or distant. If you can distill all those steps to the big dream down into just daily action.
and get started. That's where you start to make incremental progress and you start to grow as a person, as a business owner, as a parent, know, whatever those goals are going to reflect, but it's really big goals to still them down into bite sized chunks. And that is how you get started.
Challaine (02:26)
Do you use the term smirkels?
Debi Kinney @coachdebikinney (02:29)
I use the term smarter goals.
Challaine (02:32)
I love that, enlighten me,
smart tour goals, okay, okay.
Debi Kinney @coachdebikinney (02:36)
Yes,
because most people are familiar with with smart goals, but I have two steps. I actually just produced a got goals kind of like that old guy. I mean, I'm dating myself now like that old got milk commercial. Exactly. I'm glad you got it. That makes me so happy. That makes me so happy. And so I recently put together it's on my website. It's free to download, but it's a got goals workbook and
Challaine (02:49)
I get it.
Debi Kinney @coachdebikinney (03:04)
One of the weeks, it's a four week, day by day workbook that you can actually go in to reach your goals. And one of the days, or excuse me, one of the weeks is all about smarter goals. And I say smarter because we all wanna do better, we all wanna be better, we all wanna get to that, you know, that crux in our relationship with our goals. And so for the workbook, I'm actually gonna pop it open right here right now.
Challaine (03:31)
Absolutely.
Debi Kinney @coachdebikinney (03:34)
If it will, my phone's being, our internet is just being funky, but I focus on smarter goals. So smart add the E, which is evaluation. That is a piece that many times we miss in terms of, you know, where are we at? How are we doing? How can we do this bigger? How can we do this better? How can we work harder, not smarter? So in that case, I mean, work smarter, not harder.
Challaine (03:44)
Yeah.
Debi Kinney @coachdebikinney (04:00)
That's where the acronym comes from. But so really evaluation is a critical piece to success because if you're doing all the work and you're doing all the things, but you're not getting the results, it's time to step back and evaluate. Or if you're doing all the things and you're seeing all these results, evaluate what's working and keep doing that and double down on that, right?
Challaine (04:21)
Absolutely.
Absolutely. For those of you listening or for those who are listening, can we go back just a little bit? I know as entrepreneurs, we can like get heavy into this stuff and manifestation and goals and smart goals and this. What the hell is a smart goal, let alone a smarter goal?
Debi Kinney @coachdebikinney (04:31)
Good.
Sure.
Smart goal is a way to set your goals so that they make sense so that they are achievable. So S stands for specific, stands for measurable, A stands for achievable. Some people say attainable.
R stands for relevant, T stands for time bound, deadlines are critical when you're setting goals. And then when we move into smarter goals, E is for evaluate and R is for reward. So that's what a smart goal is, is when you say, I want to be a millionaire.
then you can backtrack and start to look at that criteria of, well, that's specific. It's a million dollars. It's measurable. You know how much money you're bringing in or you know how much money is in your bank account. It's achievable. Absolutely. Relevant. Yeah. I mean, relevancy is a really good one because if you're charging, you know, a dollar or
Challaine (05:27)
Lots of people making these dollars, yeah.
Debi Kinney @coachdebikinney (05:35)
$1,000 or $100,000, you need to figure out what the relevancy is. Time bound, like I said earlier, deadlines are critical for goal setting because too many times we kind of put it out there in the universe. like, oh, I want to be a millionaire. I want to start a business or X, Y, Z, but we don't give ourselves that deadline. So to your previous question of how do I get started, when you give yourself a deadline to get started by and to finish by and you work within those constraints.
and then E for evaluation we talked about a little bit and then R.
So many of us get so caught up in the hustle and the accomplishment and the achievement and the doing that we don't even take a second to like stop and celebrate when we reach our milestones along the way. If you're going for a million dollar business, when you get to a hundred thousand, when you get to 200,000, when you get to three, like small milestones along the way, like celebrate yourself because like you said earlier, it doesn't happen overnight. And so taking those moments to celebrate yourself and reward
yourself is a critical component, a great affirmation to provide yourself with to reward yourself and keep yourself going. Yeah.
Challaine (06:46)
I want to get personal here.
How did you get into this? What per... I'm willing to bet that you were living a life that was unfulfilling and I'm just throwing this out there that was possibly unfulfilling and you had these goals and you had this vision for your life that just you weren't achieving and perhaps maybe there was like a switch or you...
had to put something into action. So can you take me back to like before you were top 100, before these million dollar businesses, where was Debbie at the beginning of all of this? Like real life example of someone who has gone through everything that we're talking about and maybe our listeners can use you as inspiration and be like oh well I kind of started out there too. There is hope for me, right? Gone through the ringer.
Debi Kinney @coachdebikinney (07:39)
I mean, I've gone through business personal,
everything and more. Let's go. So I've had my business, which is called Hello Coaching for five years. Prior to that, and I'll say I started my goals coaching business in the space of health and nutrition. I've expanded it into fitness and lifestyle and business because it's like the four wheels on a car. If any one of those areas of our life gets a flat tire, the rest of them suffer. So that's my business model today.
Challaine (07:42)
You must go.
That's a good visual.
Sorry to interrupt, but that's a really good visual, right? Like if you've got a flat tire on your front right, you're like, you're kind of wobbling over.
Debi Kinney @coachdebikinney (08:10)
Yes.
Right, right.
So prior to that, I was in corporate event management for 25 years. So all of my adult life, which, you know, from the outside looking in and
90 % of the time I could convince myself. I was living a dream life loving my job. I was going, you know, I live in Vegas I have for 18 years going to the opening of the hottest clubs and restaurants and hotels and being wine and dine and working with high-end clients, know, was JLo and the wedding planner times a hundred like I that's what I thought I wanted to do. So I was in that space for 25 years prior to that. I actually started at the age of 13 in health and wellness. I became a group fitness instructor
instructor, taught group fitness classes all the way through my teens into my mid to late twenties. And then as I like to say, as I started to climb the corporate ladder, the aerobic step had to take a little side step.
but I always kept health and fitness as a personal value. Just professionally, I wasn't there. So, you know, I climbed the ranks. I started as an assistant at a convention and visitors bureau and was handed at that time. Events weren't a career. That was something that you handed to the secretary. And I kind of came in at the right time because events and meetings started to really get these accolades and get that.
Challaine (09:31)
Okay.
Debi Kinney @coachdebikinney (09:39)
recognition of how important face-to-face meetings are. So I climbed the ranks and it wasn't without, you know, all the challenges and whether that's, you know, being a woman in a executive boardroom amongst men, whether that's dealing with...
being in a leadership position and when they say, you know, it's lonely at the top, it certainly can be, I've experienced that and everything in between. And so, you know, really taking all of those amazing opportunities to learn and grow, but at the end of the day, you're 100 % correct, I wasn't feeling fulfilled.
Challaine (10:00)
Great.
Debi Kinney @coachdebikinney (10:17)
And so I kept searching for it. kept trying to convince myself, you know, I'm creating these great moments, these great experiences that people are going to remember forever, but something was still missing. And when the pandemic hit, I just really wanted to help people again. And I started mentoring others that were kind of newer to the event space, but six months in that got a little bit bleak because we didn't even know we were coming back. And so I was approached to become a coach and the rest is kind of history. I took a leap.
faith. kept my day job. And then six months later, I kind of started coaching on the side. And six months later, I was running the numbers in my office one day and I called my husband up and I said, β my gosh, I think I can do this full time. Yeah, was like, can do this full time. But please like double check my math and make sure I carried the one because that would be a mathematical mistake to make. And yeah, and so at the age of 45,
Challaine (11:00)
I'm quitting my job!
Debi Kinney @coachdebikinney (11:14)
I left my lifetime career and started a brand new business and haven't looked back. It's been absolutely amazing.
Challaine (11:25)
It's an incredible story. You talked about, you said living the dream life or what it appeared to be a dream life. In hindsight, were you maybe like living vicariously through like the owner's dream? Like you were creating their dream life for them, right? And how we invest our time, like it's the most precious commodity, we...
Debi Kinney @coachdebikinney (11:46)
Yeah, absolutely.
Challaine (11:53)
talk about this all the time. How we invest our time, we have to choose it wisely. And what is the outcome of that time spent going to be or what is the reward going to be? in the workforce, it's like people are, or positions are replaceable.
Debi Kinney @coachdebikinney (12:15)
100%. Everybody is replaceable.
That has always been my motto as an employee and as an employer, everybody is replaceable. Absolutely.
Challaine (12:22)
Yeah.
so, well, here's a good question. You left that job. How quick was your position filled?
Debi Kinney @coachdebikinney (12:31)
β
I don't know specifically.
Challaine (12:35)
Where did you take it? You're
like, this is my position. No one else can have it.
Debi Kinney @coachdebikinney (12:38)
No, was like, please fill it, please.
I'm always the type of person when I leave a job, no matter how great the company or the role was or not, I'm always the person that is like, call me if you need anything, because I want to make sure the team and I want to make sure the clients are taken care of. And there's just certain like institutional knowledge that you develop over years that it's not going to be in a word or an Excel file.
Challaine (12:43)
Cough
Debi Kinney @coachdebikinney (13:03)
So I'm always that person that's like, just call me and ask me, you know? So I was like, fill the position so you can stop calling me. I would say it was probably a good six to nine months before that specific role.
Challaine (13:08)
Yeah.
Debi Kinney @coachdebikinney (13:14)
was filled. But you know, there's that saying that you're either going to spend your time and energy on and money building someone else's dream, or you're going to spend your time and energy and money building your own dream. And which do you want? I actually just within the last month was approached with a six figure contract and was like amazing. And so like I was so excited, but I was also like,
Challaine (13:35)
Congratulations.
Debi Kinney @coachdebikinney (13:41)
Wow. Like the time commitment that that will take away from me building my own business. Like I had to really sit with it and you know, like I should be stoked right now. I should be like, this is the biggest contract ever for this business in five years. But I also was really hesitant of like, I'm going to be building their business and how much. Yeah, absolutely.
Challaine (14:00)
This is an important conversation that
I want to hear about. This conversation that you're having with yourself, people get drawn to numbers, money talks, right? So how do you weigh the pros and the cons? And we don't have to, this is a huge opportunity, but if we can just scale it back a bit to more regular jobs, I guess, if someone's being, I don't know, promoted from
Debi Kinney @coachdebikinney (14:09)
Yep, yep.
Yeah.
Challaine (14:29)
$20 an hour to or let's go yearly, so $40,000 to an $80,000 position. Like what are some questions we need to be asking ourselves? Is this really a right move for me? Yeah, the extra money would be great, but what, I don't know, should I be doing this?
Debi Kinney @coachdebikinney (14:35)
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And I was in that role not so long ago. I mean, my son is 14 and when he was born, I took...
pay, I took a pay cut in half to 40, less than 40,000 actually, so that I could work from home and, and be with him during his newborn phase. Um, and so, you know, to go from 80 to 40 and then try to work my way back up, like it's significant, but yeah, when you have those opportunities, I think it's really, you have to sit down and where we kind of started the conversations, look at what is the end goal.
Is, are you driven by money? Are you driven by the, the, position, the title, the accolades? β do you enjoy the work? Is this like the next step? Yeah, it really is.
Challaine (15:33)
That is so key. That is what you actually
want to do this work for 100K.
Debi Kinney @coachdebikinney (15:40)
Yeah, absolutely. And it's also about like, is this taking you further on your path to where you want to be? Because if, if you're in a sales position and they're like, okay, well we're going to double your salary, but now you have to move into accounting.
Does that give you purpose? Is that your passion? Are you good with doing that? Can you do it for a year and then with the promise of moving back into sales? There's so many conversations and so many questions to ask, at the end of the day, you want the money piece because you're right, money talks and people get real tempted by the dollar signs, but if it doesn't align with who you are, your identity, or where you want to go, it should give you pause.
Challaine (16:17)
excited.
What do we do if we don't know how to dream? Right? Right?
Debi Kinney @coachdebikinney (16:32)
I've been there. I don't consider
myself a dreamer. I really don't. I'm a very black and white logical. I like to map things out. I like to see them. So for me, dreaming is challenging. Like
Challaine (16:43)
What about, so would you consider yourself a visionary? No, okay. I love that. Thanks for the honesty. I'm so anxious about either of those.
Debi Kinney @coachdebikinney (16:47)
No, not really. No, no. I'm, yeah, of course. I'm
very like strategy, methodical process. So if someone has a dream or a vision, I can get on board and then I'm already reverse engineering the steps to like bring it to life.
But for me, I'm kind of, very intuitive. I'm very gut oriented. And so, you know, my coaching business that's been in existence for five years, I didn't dream it would look the way it does today.
So, you know, if you don't have a dream, if you don't know how to dream, it doesn't mean you're not going to be successful. It just means you have to learn how to set yourself up for success. It just means you have to learn, OK, if I don't have dreams, like what do I want to achieve? What are the what gives me purpose? What's important to me? Is it time with family? So I need a flexible vocation. Is it I want to travel the world and so I need a
Challaine (17:54)
That's a big one,
Debi Kinney @coachdebikinney (17:56)
a position that will
Challaine (17:56)
traveling.
Debi Kinney @coachdebikinney (17:57)
help me to do that. And so really getting in touch with who you are and what you enjoy will help you build that dream. But again, I don't consider myself a dreamer. don't have, I'm looking at my wall. I have these things called dream napkins. They're really hard for me. Dream napkins. They came from a health coaching convention.
Challaine (18:13)
What's napkin? What's a dream napkin?
Debi Kinney @coachdebikinney (18:18)
It came from, you you're sitting at the bar and there's a bar napkin, you've got this great idea. And so you're like scribbling it down. That's where the idea originated. And then of course, someone brilliant had the dream to build a business out of that. And so I've got them on my wall. But every year when I would go to that conference, they would hand me my dream napkin. My stomach would almost sink because I'm kind of like one foot in front of the other kind of a person, not a big dreamer. Let me write down all these things. So I can, I can certainly relate to that.
Challaine (18:22)
β yeah.
I love that
different approach because for me, like, I'll just pull it up right here. Just quick. I have my vision board, right? And, or my vision book, my stickers, whatever. So that is me. Like I am very, like that's how I manifest my life is through visioning and manifestation and the boards and the audio books. But that's an interesting perspective that
Debi Kinney @coachdebikinney (18:57)
Yeah, yeah.
Mm-hmm.
Challaine (19:15)
that is not you and I absolutely love that to see that like dichotomy right so and like mainstream media mainstream coaches mainstream all of it is like get your freaking vision board done do this do that do that and then you Debbie over here is like that's not me like I can't do this I'm not resonating with this
Debi Kinney @coachdebikinney (19:21)
Right.
Mm-hmm.
Challaine (19:38)
So
that ties into my question or statement about intuition. You talked about you're very intuitive and I at almost 40, I'll be 40 in May, I find that, sorry, is it? Okay.
Debi Kinney @coachdebikinney (19:52)
Best decade. It's the best decade.
Challaine (19:58)
I find that obviously as I get older I become more intuitive and more wise I guess, right? So if anyone who's listening in the younger crowd, I know my daughter's friends listen to this podcast and they're teenagers, right? So like 13, 14, who just don't have that intuition yet, who don't have that wisdom. And how do we like...
Debi Kinney @coachdebikinney (20:13)
I love this.
Mm-hmm.
Challaine (20:26)
help propel them into the future of their dreams without having that like internal compass.
Debi Kinney @coachdebikinney (20:36)
My belief is that they probably do have that intuition. I just think some of us are tapped into listening to our instincts. I think I separate intuition from experience. So experience gives you prior events to draw upon, to draw conclusions. Whereas intuition is like this, to me, is this gut knowing.
Challaine (20:59)
Mm-hmm.
Debi Kinney @coachdebikinney (21:01)
this like I met this person and I vibed with them or I didn't. I have been asked to, you know, take on this role at my school and I'm really excited about it or I don't know if something's giving me pause. I need to stop and like explore what that is. So I really believe we all have intuition.
just some of us key into listening to it better or earlier than others. And then when you get experience as we get older and we have different life challenges and opportunities and you layer that experience with your intuition, then it just becomes much, much clearer.
Challaine (21:40)
And I think it's important to stand ground in when your intuition is talking to you or speaking up for you to stand your ground. So perfect example, I have had one of my best friends, she called me. We hadn't talked or seen each other in about a year. And she calls me and she's like, Shalane, we need to plan a date. I'm like, my God, I know it's been so long. And she's like, there's this, I can't remember the name of it, but it was like this hot.
like retreat where you like bang on drums and do the thing. And I've done it before and it's, and it was quite an experience, but she asked me and I haven't seen her forever, one of my best friends. And I was like, I love you, but no, absolutely not. I really don't want to do that. And I'm like, I'm sorry for saying that, but I'm not really sorry for saying that. And I know I'm saying that. I know I'm saying no, because you asked me the question.
Debi Kinney @coachdebikinney (22:29)
Yeah.
Challaine (22:39)
and I was like hit with like, like you said, like this gut of like, no, I really don't want to do that at this time. And my, my opinion may change, but at this moment, like, no, thank you, but thank you for the offer. So listening and when you get that visceral reaction to something that's happening in your life, like
Debi Kinney @coachdebikinney (22:44)
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Challaine (23:05)
Knock, knock, knock. Like, that's universe. Like, can we wake
up and listen to that?
Debi Kinney @coachdebikinney (23:09)
big time and I think we've all experienced the flip side of that where we do something we don't want to do or we didn't do something that we wanted to do. And later you're like, dang it, I should have listened to myself. Like I knew it's this inner knowing and I should have listened to myself and I didn't. And the more you sort of experienced that, the more you can start to lean into, β there's that feeling again. What's it telling me to do? And so that's, that's a, I think an important part of decision-making.
Challaine (23:37)
And being mindful, think it's really important like what's the saying you become the the sum of the top five people around you? Who are you hanging out with who's helping you influence your decisions? My teenage daughter, who are your friends? Right like it's really really important and if you have to cut these people out of your life who are not Not necessarily going on the same path as you because you want to have different people in your life, but if they're just like
Debi Kinney @coachdebikinney (23:46)
Mm-hmm. my lord.
Hmm.
Mm-hmm.
Challaine (24:07)
my gosh, I was gonna use the term a Debbie Downer. That's okay. But if they're gonna be like Debbie Downers and just like at the bar all the time and like no goals and no dreams and no aspirations, like that's like energy sucking. You don't like.
Debi Kinney @coachdebikinney (24:10)
You can use it. prefer Donna Downer, but it's fine.
Mm.
I went
through a situation, 2023 was kind of my year of evolution and I had.
So many challenges and you know, things happen in threes and I had three really big things happen to me. One with my former best friend, one with a former friend circle and then one with one of my parents. And all three have been eliminated from my life. But the biggest piece was the friend situation. It was kind of a mean girl situation. But what I noticed was I had been on a journey for the last couple of years prior to that.
Challaine (24:53)
you
Debi Kinney @coachdebikinney (24:58)
really getting healthy, really leaning into meditation, leaning into eating healthier, leaning into, I really cut a significant portion of alcohol out of my life. And those people that I used to hang out with that were frequent drinkers and frequent partiers, I really noticed how much resistance there was.
when I was hanging out with them and not drinking, like I almost felt like I had to lie. I would, so silly, but I would literally take a cup and fill it with like bubbly water. And I would tell them it was a vodka soda just to feel like I was spitting in, but it was literally bubbly water. So yeah, I mean it.
Challaine (25:37)
I love you.
Yeah, okay.
Debi Kinney @coachdebikinney (25:44)
People have a way of either attracting to you or repelling from you just kind of based on what you put out into the world and who your friends are today may not be your friends in a week or a year or five years based on how you're.
Decisions come, how your lifestyle goes. And I wasn't anti-drinking and I wasn't judging them. It just was a decision that I made for me of how I was feeling and some of the things going on in my life. needed to be really clear-minded. And I knew that when I drank, I didn't feel well and I wasn't clear-minded. And so, yeah, mean, to your point, it's the people that you hang around with, you become like. So look around you. Do you want to be like that? Do they inspire you?
aspire to be like them? Or do you feel like they're maybe dragging you down? Do you feel like you're exhibiting behaviors you don't like just to fit in, but to fit in with what? It's not something you want to be, right?
Challaine (26:42)
No, exactly. And
you know, it can, you hear it that it's lonely at the top. And sometimes loneliness can be okay for the short term in order to really dial in and focus in on yourself and your goals, your dreams, your vision, your family. Going back to the booze, I had a girlfriend for like six years, six, seven years, and we were
Debi Kinney @coachdebikinney (26:55)
Mm-hmm.
Challaine (27:11)
best friends, but we were just alcoholic drunk moms together. And I absolutely adore her as a person. And I got sober. And as far as I know, she had continued drinking. I don't know if she is now, but our friendship, like we really need to evaluate part of your SMART goals is
Debi Kinney @coachdebikinney (27:19)
Yeah.
Mm-hmm.
Challaine (27:38)
evaluate your friendships and what do your friendships revolve around. And ours was just around booze. Like there was really no, I don't want to say there was no friendship because like our kids went to birthday parties together but there was no like base or substance or yeah and then she was driving by β geez probably five, six months ago.
Debi Kinney @coachdebikinney (27:55)
substance.
Challaine (28:05)
and I was putting the kids into the car, taking them to the day home and daycare in school and she stopped by and she's like, hey blah blah, like we should get together, I'm available on Thursday, yada yada. And she never called on Thursday. I was like, hmm, that's interesting. If I tell you I'm gonna call you on Thursday, I'm calling you on Thursday, right? So like I want people in my life that...
Debi Kinney @coachdebikinney (28:22)
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm. Yeah.
Challaine (28:33)
If you want to drink, fill your boots. I'm not going to be there. I don't want to. But I want like consistency in our friendship. I want trust in our friendship. If I can't trust that you're going to call me on Thursday when it's only Tuesday and you said you're going to call me on Thursday, then like, I'm sorry. Like that's I rather not continue a friendship based off of mistrust than to like, you know what I mean? Like it just, yeah, it is very hard.
Debi Kinney @coachdebikinney (28:36)
Right.
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
I do. It's a hard lesson to learn, but sometimes...
Being lonely is the best thing you can do for yourself. 2023 was the loneliest year of my entire life. And I have an amazing husband and have an amazing 14 year old son. And I have a puppy. I have all the things, but I was so lonely because I was in these three different circumstances all at the same time and just trying to figure out who am I in all of this? I knew I had changed. I don't think my values changed, but I think my behaviors were changing. And so I was really trying to reconcile that. But it's interesting because my
word of the year for 2020. pick a word of the year every year, ever since 2020. Word of the year for 2023 was mutual, because I felt it in 2022 going into 2023 that I had a lot of one sided relationships, which is what you're talking about. And I really wanted people in my life who were going to show up for me the way I was showing up for them and
Challaine (29:35)
Okay, you like me.
Debi Kinney @coachdebikinney (29:55)
By golly, the universe heard that loud and clear and just swept everybody that was not neutral out of my life. Didn't expect it to happen that way, but you know, like, I guess, you know, gotta rip off the band-aid.
Challaine (29:59)
Tsunami.
You talk about fads and trends and that you reveal, hold on, I'm gonna read it off the script here. Debbie pulls back the curtains on fads and trends to reveal simple strategies using experience and evidence-based data to equip clients with tools and accountability to transform their lives and business.
Debi Kinney @coachdebikinney (30:14)
Okay.
Mm-hmm.
It's a mouthful.
Challaine (30:31)
It
is. What are... What's so trendy?
Debi Kinney @coachdebikinney (30:36)
Depends on what we're talking about. But I mean, if you open your social media, you'll see the trends and depending on your algorithm, you'll see different trends, which is why. Mm hmm. Mm hmm. You will be fed the same information. she liked that. Let me give her more of that. And so. β my gosh. We about something and the ad pops up. It's always listening. It's wild.
Challaine (30:44)
That's so important. What you're searching is what you will continue to find.
And you could have clicked on an ad by accident, right?
Debi Kinney @coachdebikinney (31:05)
But so I really take away like you know pull back the curtains on I started in health and nutrition There are so many fad diets and there's so many you should do this. You shouldn't do this This is good for you. What's good for usually may not be good for me
Challaine (31:06)
So go ahead.
Debi Kinney @coachdebikinney (31:24)
And so that's really how I approach all of my coaching, you know, some people are really Really responsive to using their calendars and creating a calendar system. I have other clients that are like Calendar what like no, I don't want to be run by a piece of paper or my phone and so I really try to get to the root of the systems that work for each individual and then build from there and so I'm not a big believer in fads and trends, you know, there's
There's so many, you when you talk about, you talked about manifestation earlier, and there's so many, it is a hype word right now, and it is a real thing. I believe in manifestation. I practice manifestation.
Challaine (31:58)
That's a hype word.
Debi Kinney @coachdebikinney (32:10)
but I feel like it's a trendy topic right now. And so, you know, there's all these reels out there about how to manifest. And it's like, okay, like, let's like get rid of the fluff and really talk about what we're trying to achieve. So that's what that means is I look at scientific studies. I look at results oriented processes. And then if we want to start talking about manifesting, let's look at the science of it and then talk about implementation in a really real and simple and sustainable.
model.
Challaine (32:42)
Can you talk about values? maybe some people don't even know how to define a value or what their values actually are. And to lead a life of purpose and achievement for me needs to be like in line with my values. How can we, number one, if you can, give the definition of what values are and how can we like...
Debi Kinney @coachdebikinney (32:51)
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
Challaine (33:12)
tap into our values.
Debi Kinney @coachdebikinney (33:14)
Absolutely.
Yeah, this is such an important topic because your values are really what you believe to be true. And typically your beliefs guide your decisions and they guide your actions. So if you don't know what your values are, you don't know what you believe, it's really confusing to make those decisions or to take those actions to take you further into that dream life. And so I think it's really important
Values, I think you can boil it down to like when you do something, when you say something, did that feel good or did that not feel good? There's so many times and I think we can all relate to, I said that to someone, but gosh, I don't really believe that. That didn't feel right. Okay. That's a value.
Challaine (34:02)
Okay.
Debi Kinney @coachdebikinney (34:04)
That's something
you believe or don't believe to be true. And so really taking time to, know, you can take the big topics. can, what are my values around relationships? What are my values around work? What are my values around friendship, family? You can go down the big categories in life and figure out what do I believe? It's a great exercise just to open a notebook, get out a piece of paper. What do I believe?
Challaine (34:25)
That's a great question to ask yourself. What do I actually believe about
this?
Debi Kinney @coachdebikinney (34:30)
Right, right.
And you can relate having a teenager. I also have a teenager and we literally had, my gosh, you're a saint. I have one. And we had an hour and a half discussion about values and beliefs last night. And it was eye opening to hear his value system.
Challaine (34:35)
Poor kids.
Debi Kinney @coachdebikinney (34:55)
and to also like superimpose the values that my husband and I bring and have tried to instill. And when, you know, when those don't align, that's where you get that dissonance. And that's where you sometimes get that like, β I don't know if I said that right, did that right, didn't feel good. I want to do over.
Challaine (35:14)
That's interesting
and I'm glad you had that conversation with your child. sorry, son or daughter? Son. Okay, so when your son was talking about his values, what did like, not really giving specifics, that's personal conversation, but what like...
Debi Kinney @coachdebikinney (35:21)
Sun.
Mm-hmm.
Challaine (35:34)
stood out for you like as a mom because we just want we want to do a good job we want to instill our values in our children and I'm going to guess that your son maybe doesn't have a hundred percent of the values that you have right like that autonomy is important so how did that like make you feel to hear his truth and and his values and yeah
Debi Kinney @coachdebikinney (35:49)
Absolutely.
It's hard. It's really
hard. The topic really had to do with autonomy and freedom. And he kept utilizing the word equality.
which I sort of equate to privilege, but we've got a little bit of dissonance there. yeah, mean, it's, go in, you know, there's no parenting handbook, there's no parenting guidebook. You know, my husband and I, parent very differently, but our values are still very similar in terms of outcome. We want him to grow up to be happy and healthy and kind. And so we're not,
The way we parent is much different than probably we were parented. And so to hear our son's interpretation of that and perception of that.
I was like, wow, kid, like you don't even know how good you have it kind of a thing. So it's really important with the people that you love or the people that are important to you, you know, if it's a work dynamic, it's really important to have that open conversation because what I think I'm putting out into the world and how my son is perceiving it versus how maybe my husband is perceiving it versus maybe how someone not in our family would perceive it can be four different scenarios. So that open communication and dialogue is really critical.
Challaine (37:14)
you kind of squeaked in a key word there, I think you said co-workers or business and those relationships. How can we, I don't have a boss, I'm my own boss, you're your own boss, but for those of us who are not and in the workforce who love it or even hate it, whatever, how can they have a relationship or approach the superiors or their co-workers
Debi Kinney @coachdebikinney (37:19)
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
Challaine (37:43)
with a respectable way to express values and how can we like, how can they have the conversation so that your values are like heard and like we want them to be respected in return, you know what I mean? Yeah, but then there's like, holy shit, if I say this, I'm gonna lose my job, which you should never be in a position where you're speaking your truth. Yeah.
Debi Kinney @coachdebikinney (38:01)
Sure, absolutely.
Right, right.
But reality is most people are, right?
And I had bosses for 25 plus years. we've been in those shoes before. We've all had a boss on some level. I think the way we position how we communicate is really key.
So if I go in to my boss and just start spewing my opinions and my values and what I want, it's probably not going to go over as well as if I walk into my boss's office and say, listen, I really value your feedback. I want to make sure I'm doing the best job possible that I can for you and for the company. I also want to make sure that I'm growing in the way that or the direction that I want to go for my career. Like, can we set up a
every three months, every six months, an annual review, whatever that looks like, so that we can really keep that open dialogue to make sure we're going the same direction. It's a much different tone and approach.
Challaine (39:06)
I love how the employee put the boss first. Boost their ego right off the hop. I really value this in you. And then you just kind of, there you go, you squeaked in again about those smart goals. Can we, as a team working for you here, meet every three, six, nine months to reevaluate? I love how this is coming like full circle. It's just beautiful. Now, this is a big one.
Debi Kinney @coachdebikinney (39:09)
Mm-hmm.
100%.
reevaluate.
It's beautiful.
Challaine (39:35)
values, morals, all the things in a partnership. Like lovey-dovey relationship, marriage. How, and I know like just with me, the older I get and the older my husband gets, like we're so pin headed in what is right and what is right, right? And we're really working on it to have...
Debi Kinney @coachdebikinney (39:40)
Mm.
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
Challaine (40:02)
open communication and like taking a step back for him taking a step back if an argument gets heated because he just wants to talk it up. We have to talk about it right now and that is not my communication style. I'm like I'm too heated in the moment like I need to come back to this. So what if like our values are just completely different from our spouse and we love them like we want to have this life with them we love them we have children with them I may or not may not be speaking about my
Debi Kinney @coachdebikinney (40:13)
Mm.
Mm-hmm.
Challaine (40:33)
relationship but how do we yeah how do do it? me here. We switch our podcasts and you'll be the coach.
Debi Kinney @coachdebikinney (40:37)
Well, I think you hit the, right, right. I think you hit the nail on the head. Yeah,
yeah, absolutely. So I think it's important to sort of acknowledge the elephant in the room of like, have very different, and my husband and I have very different communication styles as well. But to acknowledge that and then take the next step of.
Okay, we have different communication styles. We have different value systems and we love each other. So how can we make sure that we are moving the same direction more than we're combating each other for, you know, who's right or, you know, how to communicate? how do, how do I respect your values in a way that's still
maintains my value system and vice versa. So I think really understanding and it's going to be trial and error. Some things are going to work and some things aren't, but you know, having that open communication of like, okay, well, my husband, so I'm a very direct communicator. My husband is much more like a listener. He's super easy going. He's so supportive, but sometimes like I want a little more fire. Like I want a little more like dialogue and like dynamite. And so I have to advocate.
Challaine (41:53)
Yeah.
Debi Kinney @coachdebikinney (41:56)
We have to advocate for what we need and I'll say like listen I'm really fired up about this like I need a little more passion and energy out of you right now, you know Yeah, yeah, so and and likewise for him he'll be like, you know He'll be telling me something and it's very exciting for him But he's very like even keel and I'm like getting all hyped up. He's like, okay
Challaine (42:02)
I've said that, yeah.
Amen.
Debi Kinney @coachdebikinney (42:18)
Bring it down. Like I, this is my moment. And so just, just listening to each other, advocating for yourself and acknowledging like, wow, that was a really good conversation that that worked for us. Or like, wow, that got heated really fast. Let's not do that again. β but continuing to again, evaluate as time goes on that work that didn't, that felt good. That didn't, β you know, that that's it's all a process. Yeah. Yeah.
Challaine (42:21)
Bye.
No.
I say it all the time, communication is key. And
I heard this a few months ago, focus on the solution, not the problem. And it sounds so easy, but if when we get wrapped into disputes with our partners or friends, family, whatever, it's like this tug of war and this battle of who's right, who's wrong. You did this, you did that. Okay, we can recognize that there's an issue here, but can we get to the solution?
Right? Can we figure out like what the end goal is? Whether I said this or didn't say that, or you said this, we can acknowledge what happened. We can apologize for it. We can commit to not doing it again and really learning from that. And how do we get, what is the end goal? What is the solution? How do we move forward? How do we not be in this again? Right? Which just ties it right back to communication and having the
Debi Kinney @coachdebikinney (43:09)
Right.
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
Right.
Challaine (43:38)
the icky sticky conversations that we really don't want to have. But if we don't have the icky sticky, then we're going to continue to just be icky and sticky, right? Like we just, we're to talk it out.
Debi Kinney @coachdebikinney (43:48)
Right, right. The
only way out is through. You can't go around it. You gotta go through the hard times to get through the hard times for sure.
Challaine (43:53)
Peace.
Isn't
that like an old camp song? Going on a lion hunt or something. Gotta go through it! That's awesome. Debbie, how can people connect with you?
Debi Kinney @coachdebikinney (44:00)
Totally. Yup. Yup.
my gosh, I love connecting with people. My website is the best place. It's hellocoaching.info. Yeah, so that's the best place and that links to a consultation forum that links to all my free downloadable tools that links to all my social media. So hellocoaching.info. Free free.
Challaine (44:27)
Keyword free. We love free.
Do you have a, I like to end the episodes with like a quote that stands out in your mind or a saying that really just kind of brings you, carries you forward. For me, every journey, really every journey begins with a single step. That's one. Yeah.
Debi Kinney @coachdebikinney (44:47)
I love that. I
think one of them, think the thing that pops in my head right now is kind of a motto I live by and it's, if you can't find it, create it. So if you're constantly beating your head against the wall about an issue, like be the solution.
Challaine (44:56)
Mmm.
Debi Kinney @coachdebikinney (45:05)
If you're looking for a certain type of job or group or friendship and you can't find it, be that first and you will attract similar energy in what you are looking for. So that's, that's been a really like been a success tip for me is if you can't find it, create it. Cause you can't be the only one looking for it, but sometimes you have to emulate it first. Yeah.
Challaine (45:25)
100 out of what how many 8 billion people in the world there's
more than just you with that same issue or problem. Thank you Debbie for being on the show today. really what a insightful enlightening conversation and to those of you who are listening share like, retweet and tick-tock and do all the things with this episode and as always I hope you have the best day ever. Until next time, thanks.
Debi Kinney @coachdebikinney (45:32)
Yes. Yeah.
Thank you.