Challaine (00:00)
Welcome everyone to today's episode of Let's Have a Chat. And it has been a minute for David Diaz and I to β connect, but this story is so important that everybody, β brothers, fathers, sons, wives need to hear about it. David was in the Army National Guards. He was a Sergeant Major with 25 years of military service, and he is a retired FAA Air Traffic Controller.
David has had major pain in his life that he has turned into his passion. David was diagnosed with stage four prostate cancer and is obviously with us here today. And you are David, the executive director of the Reluctant Brotherhood. Thank you so much for being on the show. I'm so glad we finally made it together.
David Diaz (00:54)
Yes, yes, I'm happy to be here. Yes, I'm the executive director of β a prostate cancer support group called the Reluctant Brotherhood. We do everything online and we provide support groups, meetings for men going through prostate cancer. We do about four meetings a week now.
Challaine (00:57)
Thank you.
Yeah, which can.
That's phenomenal. can, β obviously I don't have a prostate. I don't know much about it, but I have heard of β stage four prostate cancer and that can come across as a death sentence. β Can you take us back to β before the actual diagnosis of stage four prostate cancer, what were you going through in your life? What?
kind of made it seem like, β something's not right here.
David Diaz (01:54)
Actually, I had no symptoms. Before prostate cancer, I was 45 years old.
and
Just had a baby son. He was just born. He was about four months old. β
My wife at the time, she was a physician assistant. She was a PA and she knew my mother passed away from β for breast cancer. And she knew I had β in the family, β genetic mutation called BRCA2. And she was like, you really need to get checked out. just, yeah, she was in a...
Challaine (02:39)
Just randomly. Okay.
David Diaz (02:44)
You know, I was like, I'm fine. got, you know, I'm healthy. I'm strong. Everything's going right. And, but she kept on and she knew my, β my personal doctor, they were friends. And he was finally calling me and say, Hey, we should really get this checked out. β and I finally relented and, β decided to.
go get a proper physical. Before I was getting a FAA physical when I was working as an air traffic controller, but you know, it's mostly checking your heart rate, your eyes, your ears, things like that. But never any blood work. And I finally got some blood work and the tests came back elevated and they were like, hey,
It might be something here or nothing, but we should, they told me, hey, come back in a couple of months. Well, let's take a look at it. So I did, and it was on my birthday. I just turned 45 and the test came back a little bit. Yeah. When I went back to the doctor with the blood tests, with, and they were like, Hey, there's something here. And, β it looks like it could be cancer.
Challaine (03:54)
when you went back to the doctor a few months later or when you got the... okay yeah.
David Diaz (04:08)
prostate cancer. And I'm like, what?
Challaine (04:11)
they determined
that it could be prostate cancer from the blood work. Okay.
David Diaz (04:15)
Yeah, this blood test called
a PSA and it's specific for prostate cancer.
So they were like, well, we need to go get a biopsy. And then the following month, got a biopsy and it came back higher or came back positive. β So at that time I was a...
when they check for your prostate, they have a scoring system. β And it was a, they use a Gleason score. And my Gleason score at the time was a four plus three, which is a seven, which is β intermediate. And after that, like my whole life changed. because this...
Challaine (05:02)
Yeah. When was this? Because we're 2025
now.
David Diaz (05:08)
Yeah, this happened in 2017. My birthday is in July, so.
Challaine (05:16)
Happy birthday, holy fuck.
David Diaz (05:17)
β Yeah. And the
biopsy was in August. They were like, Hey, I think we should go get surgery. You'll, β you know, we'll get it. And then I did surgery like, I think it was like two or three weeks later from the biopsy. That's how fast it went.
After the surgery, they came back and they told me my cancer had spread. It went into my lift nodes. Then it also spread to my hip. And they're like, well, we got to do some more treatments. And that I wasn't ready for. So they recommended, I ended up going into a trial.
trial study and I had my treatments at Johns Hopkins Hospital in Baltimore, which is one of the premier medical systems in the U.S. So my care was phenomenal. But I ended up going into this trial β study, clinical trial study. And so that kind of hit me with everything. So I ended up doing two years of hormone therapy, which they call ADT, androgen deprivation therapy.
Pretty much they want to reduce your testosterone down to zero. So, and that has a host of its own side effects.
Challaine (06:50)
Hey.
I
could imagine, yes.
David Diaz (06:56)
β
And this is actually what they do to β men who want to.
transition to women and it's the same medication and stuff like that. so that was the first thing. Then after that, I had to do four treatments of chemotherapy. And actually, it wasn't too bad. I tell you, I was pretty healthy.
So I did four treatments. Yeah.
Challaine (07:38)
pretty healthy going into that treatment. So that's important that the
health prior to getting all this like heavy, heavy treatment is important and you can take on that treatment easier, I guess. I'm not gonna say that chemo radiation is easy by any means, but going into it with a healthier maybe immune system was to your advantage.
David Diaz (08:05)
Yeah, definitely. I was in great shape.
you know, overall, besides the cancer, I was pretty solid and healthy guy. β But then I did chemo and then I had to wait for a few more months and then I did... β
Challaine (08:16)
Mm-hmm.
David Diaz (08:24)
38 rounds of radiation plus three more for my hip. So it was like 41 treatments. And I got done with that sometime in, actually it was in July of 2018.
but I wasn't ready for the consequences of all those treatments. And I was doing good.
Challaine (08:55)
You were
a new β father.
David Diaz (08:58)
Yeah, was in, you know, I got remarried and restarted a family. I already had a three year old daughter. Then my son came along. He was about four months and.
I was working as an air traffic control at that time. had to take leave and, β lucky for me, I had a short term disability, so that helped a lot. And, β so I was just staying home and trying to recover.
But through all that, as time went on, the effects of the treatments started taking a hold. β Things started coming up, going through hormone therapy. It pretty much puts you as a woman going through menopause. So you have to go through the hot flashes, the joint pain, weight gain.
Challaine (09:57)
Was this
the therapy that you were referencing earlier? I think it was A, the androgen.
David Diaz (10:05)
Yeah, ADT.
Challaine (10:06)
Okay, that's what you're talking about. Okay. β
David Diaz (10:08)
Yep. Yep.
So I was going through that and, um, you know, lot of side effects, know, hot flashes, joint pain, weight gain. ended up, um, over those two years, I ended up gaining 60, 65 pounds, got up to 250 on 510. um, even though I tried to, I ate well too, but like I did, um,
For my first two years, I went vegan. And so I was eating good. And I was still gaining weight. So, no. And then.
Challaine (10:46)
and you still gain the weight.
Peace.
You have a first-hand
experience of what women go through during menopause then, I guess. Yeah.
David Diaz (11:00)
Yeah, definitely,
So definitely no first hand. And but the thing was I wasn't ready for the emotional consequences. So, you know, I'm like, I got a handle on this. I'll get through this. And but it wasn't like that. Things started changing for me. Not only was my body changing, right?
But as a man, you know, we have these... β
these tenants that we like to live by, right? We want to provide and protect.
Challaine (11:40)
sure.
David Diaz (11:43)
And, you know, I ended up having to retire from the FAA because I want to be able to get out. Yes, it did. Because I couldn't keep my medical clearance. They were worried about that, which I don't blame them. You don't want sick people working airplanes. β So just. β
Challaine (11:50)
Did this force you into retirement? Yeah. Yeah.
For sure. Absolutely. Yeah, yeah.
David Diaz (12:11)
You know, it just, and then the whole thing with being medically castrated, not able to have sex, β that really messed me up.
Challaine (12:26)
And for a lot
of men, that physical component is like a very strong love language that men have. So not only physically are you unable to β have sex, but emotionally it can emasculate you.
David Diaz (12:31)
Yes.
Oh, did. you know, my wife at the time, we talked about this and we're like, hey, we just got to get through the two years, right? Just get through the two years and then... Yeah, so the two years is what I was going to be on with the treatment for the hormone treatment. What I didn't realize was that, you know, it also takes about the same...
Challaine (12:46)
Yeah.
Why two years? Is that what the doctors had said?
David Diaz (13:13)
amount of time to get off it for your body to recover from it. So if you're on hormone therapy and you're on it for six months, it's going to take about six months for your body to recover. If you're on it for a year, it'll take another year. For me, it was a lot longer. It took another two, two and a half years to recover from hormone therapy. And not only that, β
Challaine (13:19)
Mm-hmm.
David Diaz (13:44)
I β was never able to get my testosterone to come back. With the radiation, with the hormonal therapy, β my body stopped producing testosterone altogether. So we had to come up with a different plan. But the emotional aspects of that were pretty awful. β
Challaine (14:05)
Absolutely.
David Diaz (14:12)
And with that, was just kind of really kind of pushing myself away from β my wife at the time, my family, my friends. was isolated myself because I really didn't, I felt like one, I felt I didn't, wasn't a man at that point, right? β Or having the essence of the man.
And the other part was I didn't want to be a burden to my family. And I felt like I was becoming that. So that really put a strain in our relationship. β So we end up at that point.
That was probably close to about almost three years now into my journey.
having difficulties with the marriage, we ended up deciding to give some counseling. So we did that and she was pretty good.
I felt like I needed to talk to someone, talk to more people like me. And I lived in Pennsylvania at the time near Gettysburg and it's very rural. So there weren't a lot of support groups in the area for this. So I found a group online and it's a guy named John β Teisberg. He's out of Minneapolis, Minnesota. And he started the group.
Challaine (15:34)
Yeah.
David Diaz (16:01)
And he was like, Hey man, yeah, just come on, see if you like it. And end up joining for signing up for a meeting. like from then on, it like changed my whole life.
Challaine (16:17)
What kind of meeting was it? Just a prostate? Okay. Yeah.
David Diaz (16:19)
It was a prostate cancer support group. And it was guys,
β I was the youngest. β Prostate cancer normally happens for men around, β average around 60, 65 years old. I was still in my forties. I think I was 49 at the time. And just being able to talk to guys and.
communicate and let them know what was going on with my side effects and stuff like that. And they were able to share their β experience and wisdoms and little tricks. And β that really, really β helped out. And I was like.
Challaine (17:08)
You were on
a trial though with the androgen therapy and were there any other men that had gone through the similar treatment?
David Diaz (17:19)
Yeah, there were probably more men through Johns Hopkins. β But β when you go in, especially when you go in for your shots and stuff like that, or you meet your doctors, you're not really meeting other people. But I'm sure there were probably β hundreds of men going through the same trial.
Challaine (17:45)
Yeah. You said that you didn't have any symptoms. Now, through your journey with this and all the different men that you have spoken to, can you offer some insight for other men, wives, mothers, sisters, who have men in their lives, of symptoms to maybe look out for? You were lucky that you had angels who were like, hey, you just gotta go.
Right? And maybe not everyone has that. So what's something that men need to look out for?
David Diaz (18:16)
Well, if you start
using it for men, if you start going to the bathroom a lot, that is a symptom.
Challaine (18:26)
Number one or number two or both?
David Diaz (18:28)
Probably both, that's the main one. The other one is having pain urinating. So I guess that would be number two. Once you start having those type of symptoms, if you frequently go into the bathroom and you're starting to have pain, others are having pain in the pelvic area or lower back pain also. You start having lower back pain.
Challaine (18:32)
Okay.
Mm-hmm.
kind of like in the kidney area.
David Diaz (18:58)
in my
β Probably down in the lower spine because prostate cancer when it spreads, it goes into the pelvic area and then it goes into your lower back.
Challaine (19:04)
Okay.
So pain when you're going to the bathroom, frequency and lower back pain. And it doesn't have to be a combination of all three. If any of those pop up, go get checked.
David Diaz (19:22)
Yep.
Yes. And then also if you're 50 or older, you should be getting a PSA test every year.
Challaine (19:38)
I say,
my husband's 39 and I'm be like, I just had this conversation with David. You have to go to the doctor. You have to go get checked. Because I'm thinking like, because you said back pain. And like a few weeks ago, he's like, oh, my lower back hurts. And he's got a physical job and but it wasn't from work. Like he's adapted to that work, right? And then like he's...
David Diaz (19:47)
Ha ha.
Challaine (20:04)
been getting up in the night to go pee, so now I'm like instant panic mode. So β that's why these conversations are important, right? To educate and to teach people. Going back to β your diagnosis or going through the treatment, what supports were missing at that time? Like in hindsight, it's always 2020. What did you wish you had that was available or that wasn't available? Sorry.
David Diaz (20:31)
Ooh, I
think I wish, one of the things I wish I would have done is... β
And this is my fault, right? I wish I would have joined a support group. β I would have learned so much just from guys that have done it.
And, you know, for most men, you know, we're like, we want it. I got it. I'll take care of it. I've been doing things on my own β my whole life, pretty much. But with something like this, β there's so many things that are going on, β not only with the treatments, but with the side effects, the emotional, the mental. β
things that come along. β
It is a lot. It is so much.
Challaine (21:31)
Did you feel
like shame or embarrassment? Because that's a pretty sensitive area. Yeah.
David Diaz (21:38)
Yeah,
absolutely. That was the carrying that shame and, you know, just being that guilt of not being able to β have sex with your wife or with your partner.
And it's just.
You really, really hide yourself.
Yeah, it's like you really, really hide and you just don't want to face people anymore.
Challaine (22:16)
Like you don't fit in. Yeah.
And at the end of the day, we just want to be seen, heard, loved, fit in. It sounds like it was a really isolating journey.
David Diaz (22:29)
Yeah, yeah. And, you know, if people came around, you know, I have friends, I have family. My wife at the time, you know, she was trying to do her part. β But it's not. It's like when you talk to someone and you try to explain what you're going through, you know, they're just like.
Man, that really, really sucks, but I don't know how to relate to that. And then, but if you talk to guys that have been, have done it, right, and are going through it, it just, not only that, you're able to, it took me a, trust me, I'm not a guy that normally at that time in my life, I ain't really talked about sensitive topics with anyone.
Challaine (23:00)
Yeah.
You weren't spilling the beans.
David Diaz (23:25)
But the thing about support groups and talking to men that are going through the same journey, because after a while you'll get the courage and you'll start talking. And as you're talking and sharing, it gives you practice. It gives you practice on how to communicate with others, with your spouse, with your family, friends, and stuff like that.
So, I think if I had to do it again, that would have been the first thing is get into a support.
Challaine (24:06)
And I can wholeheartedly relate to the connection and support groups going through β what I went through getting sober from 20 years of drinking alcohol. β You can't do it alone. And it doesn't necessarily mean one-on-one communication with someone, but it could mean podcasts, could mean books, audio books.
listening to an AA meeting, just sharing the stories and getting your own story out there eventually. That's how I got into launching this podcast. β I've said it before, sober people need sober people, but at the end of the day, no matter how strong and independent we are, we thrive on community and especially community that gets us, right? And like you said, if I had to do it again, support group would be my go-to.
David Diaz (25:04)
Yeah, definitely.
Challaine (25:06)
So
that empowered you. Were you the founder of the Reluctant Brotherhood? Okay.
David Diaz (25:12)
No, I wasn't. This group got started
back in 2009 by the gentleman I mentioned earlier, John Teisberg. Yeah, yeah. It was the first group and it stuck. was just, β you know, these guys, you you can go, there's a lot of support groups and you have to find the one that works for you, right? This one worked for me from the get-go because
Challaine (25:21)
And this was the first group that you went to. Is that true? Okay. Okay.
you
David Diaz (25:42)
I'm a military guy. I've been in the military for a long time, 25 years. And they ain't sugar coat stuff. They were like, you need to get your shit together. And I needed that. And that's what, you know, that might not work for you. So you have to find a group that works for you. There's a lot of different groups. Some of them are technical. Some are spiritual.
Challaine (25:51)
You
Yeah.
David Diaz (26:11)
you know, β religious base. So you really have to find the one that you connect with, you know. So.
Challaine (26:21)
Did you find with being a part of this group, spirituality? Has that been part of your journey?
David Diaz (26:27)
Yeah, was already...
My spiritual path was β different. In the beginning, I was all about it. And then as my side effects started to worsen, I lost it.
Challaine (26:41)
Yeah, fuck you. Where are you? Yeah.
David Diaz (26:43)
Yeah, because, you know,
I'm only scratching the surface on some of the side effects. I end up getting radiation, societies, which is inflammation of the bladder. started to bleed out of my urethra. Then that causes blood clots. I had to push those out. Very painful. β And at one point I really didn't have a lot of incontinence in the beginning. But when I was pushing out these blood clots,
I end up hurting my sphincter and then I have severe incontinence. And I think at that moment, that was probably the worst. I think I was really down and at the bottom of the pit β when that happened. Cause now I was wearing β Depends underwear and I was going through them like five or six times a day. you just...
Challaine (27:29)
Yeah.
David Diaz (27:44)
So, lucky for me, end up, this was in the beginning of my support group journey. Some of these guys are like, hey, you know, this is going to be temporary and stuff like that. But when you're going through it, you're like, yeah, I don't know what you're talking about.
Challaine (28:04)
Yeah, how did that how did that feel when you heard
that you're like, β I hope this is temporary. β good.
David Diaz (28:12)
But then, you know, the spiritual side, so going to that, I was going to have surgery to end up, I had some scarring tissue and stuff like that they wanted to fix up before they dealt with my radiation societies and then try to take care of my severe incontinence. And I ended up going for a cystoscopy, which is they run a camera down
through your urethra to check your bladder and all that. And so I did that. So to get ready for, they wanted to take a look before I get ready for surgery. And my surgery was like scheduled for like three or four weeks later from that. And I ended up doing that whole stethoscopy. And well, you know that like after two to three weeks,
My incontinence was pretty much gone.
And yeah, β and I think it was, my faith, you know, for me is God. People use universe, Allah, Buddha, you know, whatever you believe in. But for me, I was like, man, he really had a hand in this because β it wasn't really looking good in the surgery I was having.
Challaine (29:16)
Incredible. Yeah.
David Diaz (29:44)
was pretty invasive and they couldn't guarantee an outcome. I had to go to Johns Hopkins. Yeah, well, I had to go to Johns Hopkins for, β my surgery was on a Monday. I had to go to, on a Friday to do the pre-op workup. And I go down there, which is about an hour away from my home and I do all that and I
Challaine (29:52)
like another trial.
Yeah.
David Diaz (30:15)
driving back, and I'm like, man, I am feeling pretty good. I should let my doctor know that I'm doing well, right? Because I haven't talked, I haven't spoken to him. So I was like, I'll get back home and I'll send him a message through the portal. So I send him the message.
Challaine (30:34)
Were you trying to talk yourself out of surgery? Because you were feeling better?
David Diaz (30:37)
Yeah, well, I wasn't sure,
but I was like, I'll just send them a message and just let them know what's going on, right? So I sent this message. And would you know that?
And I'm not exaggerating, it was within five minutes he called me. When does that happen? you send them, right? Five minutes, five minutes after sending this message, my doctor calls me. He's like, hey, Mr. Diaz, how you doing? What's going on? I need to know what's going on. I told him, I was like, hey, ever since the cystoscopy, you know,
Challaine (31:00)
It doesn't. It doesn't. Yeah.
David Diaz (31:21)
I've been feeling pretty good. My incontinence, I went from, you know, five or six depends a day now to just maybe one. Right. And he's like, Oh, wow, that's great. And he said, everything else, you have any pain? I was like, I have no pain. And he said, if I was you, I would, I would postpone this surgery. And I was like, yep, let's do that.
And we never did.
Challaine (31:53)
And what were they going to
do during this surgery?
David Diaz (31:56)
They were going to open me up and remove some scar tissue between where they attached my urethra to my bladder. And I also had what they call a stricture. And they wanted to take a look at that. But they were like, hey, there's also a possibility you might end up wearing a bag for the rest of your life. And I was like...
Challaine (31:58)
What were you gearing up for?
you
David Diaz (32:26)
I mean, I've already gone through a lot, like really? β So, and after that, everything kind of worked out.
Challaine (32:27)
Yeah.
that there were no more treatments nothing nothing after that.
David Diaz (32:42)
Nothing after that. I still had to deal with my radiation, psilocyte, but through the magic of the support groups, I learned how to manage that through my diet and liquid intake. Meaning, I started staying away from spicy food, anything that would irritate my bladder, β alcohol. β
Challaine (32:45)
That's incredible.
David Diaz (33:09)
One thing I hate, this is one of the things I regretted. I had to give up coffee.
Challaine (33:16)
no, okay. Yeah. Now is this life, is this lifelong now? Like there's no booze, no coffee, no spicy foods or that was...
David Diaz (33:25)
No,
β so I drink decaf now, β but alcohol, I can have certain types of alcohol, but my limit is to two drinks, normally a glass of wine or a cider. I could probably have a beer, but I've never been a beer drinker. But I can do bourbon, whiskey, scotches, β which I enjoyed back then, but it just...
It just tears me up.
So I stay away from that.
Challaine (34:02)
Going back to the support group and being so impactful on your recovery, when you were feeling just like isolated and alone and down on yourself, emasculated, did the support group offer you like a, I don't know, like a change in mindset? Did you guys do any mindset work to like lift your spirits?
David Diaz (34:30)
β yeah, there's, you know...
think with those support group in the beginning, they talk more about treatment and how to get through your side effects and stuff like that. But also, you got to understand I'm also talking to men that are a lot older than I am, right? So they're taking me under their wing. And so they give me words of encouragement and say, hey, you're to get through this. This stuff is temporary.
The mindset stuff really happened through another group that I ended up going with. And it was a group called Men on Fire. as I'm going through all this, I was having difficulties in my marriage at the time.
you know, I end up, β well, my wife ended up leaving me and that was in like, and I was okay with that. It was when the, when I left the home and I started to find things, I ended up finding my wife was having an affair and that just kind of broke me, like broke me like emotionally and.
And then I'll find a group called Men on Fire. They're a men's professional development group out of New York. And they were like, well, you know, now it was like, hey, you know, I signed up for the group because I really wanted to get my wife back at the time. But what they really did for me was get my life back. And that's where we did a lot of work on mindset and...
I like to say soul work. And that's when things really, really, really changed for me. It took a while. β And I'm not with the group officially anymore, but with the guys that I went in with, still, we communicate pretty much every day and we share a lot of things. We talk about the different podcasts, things that we're doing.
Challaine (36:32)
For sure. Yeah. I feel that.
David Diaz (37:00)
different types of, so what is it called? So now I even know, but we do like breath work, meditation. Yeah, exactly. So we do all that and that's been a game changer. And now I kind of bring that stuff. So.
Challaine (37:07)
Somatic? Is that where you're going? Okay. Yeah.
David Diaz (37:22)
This is kind of, so John Teisberg, he called me up one day and he's like, Hey Dave, we've been watching you. at that time I was participating more in the support groups. I was leading more and.
And he's like, I'm getting a little bit older now. I want to do different things. And he was like, Hey, I think you're the right guy to take over this group. And he said, will you mind leading it? I was like, well, John, β it didn't take me long to answer. I was like, yeah, I'll do it. Right. And, and so I did that. And then a couple of days later, that's when my wife at the time told me she
Challaine (38:01)
Yeah, sign me up, yeah.
David Diaz (38:13)
Um, she wanted to leave me and I'm like, Oh man, like how I go from hero to zero in like a few days. And, uh, and I didn't really know about the affair just yet. Uh, that took some time. Um, but just, I ended up taking over the group. And then now like with all the things that I learned through, uh, you know, the group, outfit men on fire and.
All the other stuff like, you know, these support groups that I lead and provide, not only do we get into the technical stuff of, you know, how to take care of prostate cancer and stuff like that. β And really, we don't give advice on what a man should do, but we let them know, like, all the options, right? Because we really want them to be able to ask their doctors and...
to help them with those type of decisions.
Challaine (39:15)
And that's really important and like what questions do you ask, right? Like you brought up some very specific blood work. So like I could say to my husband, β you need to go get your blood work done. But I could also recommend to him, make sure that the doctor checks this one on. It was the, started with an R I think. PSA, right? Like, so this is really important because you only know what you know.
David Diaz (39:44)
Yep, And so it's just been, you know, now I lead the Reluctant Brotherhood at the time. I think we had about 100 men. And this was about almost two years ago. And now we're up to like 300. And I think the last number was 315 today. We went from one meeting a week. We got roughly about four meetings a week.
six different meetings a month. Like we're gonna open up a new meeting β this month. My friend Bob, he's gonna run the β gay and bisexual β prostate cancer support group. So it's just really, really expanding. We're providing support β and this is all through volunteers.
We get donations, we're a 501-3C non-profit, but really everybody volunteers their time and I think it.
Also, our meetings are not recorded. We want to provide that space where they feel comfortable β talking and sharing. β it's just been a fantastic thing. β I love it. I love talking to men.
Challaine (40:58)
They're not, okay. Yeah.
You can see yourself
in that man and know that, I mean, there's no guarantee as we know how to recover from prostate cancer, but there's certainly a shit ton of hope if you go through the right steps and have the right community and the right support.
David Diaz (41:35)
Yeah, yeah. β I got this quote from Sylvester Stallone and he said he's in the hope business and that's what I'm in. I'm in the hope business.
Challaine (41:41)
Mm-hmm.
Yeah, yeah I love that.
How can women be more supportive of the men in their life who may be diagnosed with prostate cancer?
David Diaz (41:59)
And that is a great question.
Challaine (42:01)
because your
relationship certainly took a toll as you were going through this.
David Diaz (42:04)
Yeah,
it did. It did.
Yeah, I think women.
Not only do they have to be patient, right? And you guys are great at being patient.
But you are.
Cause I think the issue is most guys don't want to get help. They just want to, Hey, I got this. Right. And, but really just being patient and being, β supportive. there was a point and this, I never told her this. I was talking to my ex-wife and I was telling her, I tell you, I was tired all the time, fatigue.
Fatigue, like you wouldn't believe. And I was talking to her and I was telling her how tired I was. And she...
she came back at me as like, I don't want to hear it. Right. And I think she was just getting tired also. Yeah. Right. So, and she's tired too. She's trying to work, take care of two little kids also. β And, but when she told me that, like that really closed me up. Like,
Challaine (43:15)
Okay. Kind of like, what about me? I'm tired. Yeah. Yeah.
And you.
David Diaz (43:38)
After that, I just kind of stopped talking and stopped sharing.
for the caregivers, right?
There has to be, β kind of be careful with the words, because the words have impact. β
And then just really, really just, he's gonna go through his own battles and he really, he has to fix those β and get through all that β emotional and β not only the physical, but emotional trauma. β But she just lets him know that β he's cared for and...
appreciative for you know, whatever he does, you know, I think that keeps will keep him motivated, you know, and
Challaine (44:45)
Yeah,
that's a key word there, keep you motivated. Because you can lose hope and drive. And when you're getting these, having these negative conversations with your person, you can lose, yeah, lose the motivation to keep going. Like why bother anymore? And I think it's important that your person, like in your relationship, your person can be your person.
David Diaz (44:50)
Mm-hmm.
Challaine (45:13)
but they don't need to be your person for everything, right? And that's where you found β the reluctant brotherhood. At the beginning, what did you learn the most from them?
David Diaz (45:32)
What I, I think what I learned the most was that I'm gonna get through this. They gave me so much hope and don't get me wrong, there's men that get inflicted with this disease and they pass away. But if you ever met these men and.
The last guy in my group, he was a reverend and his name was Reverend Martin Jackson.
He was fighting all the way to his very last breath. Like he still had hope. He was like, I'm going to get through this, you know, and, and he still came to our meetings. Like, and he was on some very powerful medication and I could see him, you know, through the zoom camera, like dozing off and stuff like that.
Challaine (46:31)
Yeah.
David Diaz (46:32)
But he'll just
wake up and he's like, and he'll just give words of inspiration. I'm going to get through, know, and that's the thing. think in the very beginning, once I started to talk to them and cause I was in the beginning stages, right? Well, I was already probably close to four, four years in.
Challaine (46:35)
I'm here. I got this.
David Diaz (46:56)
But you talk to people that have been in it for 15, 20 years and seeing that, like once I saw that, I'm like, if that guy could do it, I could fucking do it. Right? And that was like the biggest impact from the moment I got into that meeting.
Challaine (47:13)
I got this. Yeah, I fucking got this. Yeah.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but being an outsider, looking in and hearing your story and seeing how important this β camaraderie and community was for you, and also being of service for 25 years, β did you have a brotherhood in that service? And was there kind of like...
a connection again with men because you were honorably discharged because of this, but did that kind of β resonate with you because of maybe a bond or brotherhood that you had when you were in service?
David Diaz (48:08)
Yeah, definitely. β
when I retired, which was in 2015. And then my cancer came two years. You know, I was alone during that time. I still have my great friends in the military and stuff like that. But you're not interacting with them day in and day out anymore. so, yeah, you lose that brotherhood. Also, I lived in Pennsylvania. That was in my β area that I grew up in.
Challaine (48:25)
for
David Diaz (48:42)
I'm from New York City. β
You know, and I was like, well, you know, in the beginning I was like, I got this, you know, I just being bullheaded. And, β but then when I found the, the, when I, when I found the group and I started to talk to them, it was like, β shit, this is what I was missing. You know, and, β having that it's just been, it's been a lifesaver.
Challaine (49:10)
This is what I needed.
Literally. Like literally it has been. Where are you now as far as your health, your kids, your relationships? Where's David now?
David Diaz (49:19)
Yes, yes.
β David now. β Wow. So many good things are happening. So as you know, I'm running the Reluctant Brotherhood. We're growing and expanding and doing many, good things. I have a great community. I love the guys that I work with. β And now, you know, I have four kids. β I got two older boys.
31, he's running his own business now in Tampa. I have a son in the Army, he's 28. He's going through special forces training. So I'm very proud of him. Very, very.
Challaine (50:10)
How proud does that make, yeah, yeah.
I thought you were in your 30s. when we first met, you said you were, you got your diagnosis in your 40s. I seriously thought you were in your 30s. So you look great. You look great.
David Diaz (50:25)
β
thanks. β But I'm also, β he's going to have a baby. So I'm going to be a grandfather in September.
Challaine (50:38)
Congratulations.
David Diaz (50:39)
Yep, so
it's gonna be a little girl. We're looking forward to her. And I also have two small children. So I have a 10 year old daughter and an eight year old son.
And the things with the, you know, I've gone through a divorce, been going through a divorce for almost two years. It's been difficult. Communication's not there for us because of the infidelities on her side. And I ended up moving, I moved to Charleston, South Carolina. needed to change the scenery really. but I go to, I see my kids every month.
Challaine (51:16)
Yeah.
David Diaz (51:20)
the fact I'll see him this weekend and then they come down here for the summer. and then with that, I also, I ended up writing a book and it just got public. Yeah. And I do, but I have it in my other, my other room, but it's how did it's called how to use AI to win against your prostate cancer.
Challaine (51:33)
Yes you did. Yes you did. Do you have a copy?
Do you want coffee?
David Diaz (51:50)
Empowering your journey with intelligent questions. You know, over the years, you know, participating in prostate cancer support groups and leading them, you know, just I learned one powerful lesson and how, and the right question can lead to life changing answer. And, but really is like, how do we get to that right question? Right. And.
Challaine (52:19)
Yeah.
David Diaz (52:20)
You know, and that could be overwhelming in the beginning. But when you're going, when you go through a major life change and thing with a disease, cancer, illness, there's so much medical jargon, so much information and you got to, and you have to make decisions, difficult decisions. And you know, for the last, yeah, yeah. And.
Challaine (52:43)
without a guaranteed outcome. Yeah, yeah.
David Diaz (52:49)
And the last year, year and a half, I've been playing with AI and I'm like, man, this thing is incredible, but it's not perfect, right? So you could use AI to decipher confusing medical jargon, understanding treatment options with their associated risks, their outcomes, side effects.
Challaine (53:02)
Right.
David Diaz (53:18)
And then if you go through the treatments, you learn how to manage your side effects, β not only for your physical, but your mental and emotional. β Yeah, holistic. And they could really, really β give you the game plan to take back to your doctor, right? And have those questions.
Challaine (53:29)
that holistic part of you. Yeah, you're not just physically recovering.
David Diaz (53:48)
to ask your, because your time with your doctor in these days is limited. You've probably got like 15 minutes and they have to be impactful. So, and if you're going through your doctor's appointments for a major disease or like cancer or anything, one, you should have someone with you, right, to help you take good notes or you should even
Challaine (53:55)
Yeah. Yeah.
David Diaz (54:17)
have them recorded. You just have to make sure, yep, just make sure that it's allowed and you get your doctor's permission. Some states don't allow third party type recording. most doctors, every doctor I have talked to never had an issue. But using the AI, you can formulate these questions, these
Challaine (54:20)
Throw the voice notes on your phone. Yeah.
David Diaz (54:47)
game plans, you could learn about clinical trials that's going on, understanding the medication. Yeah, yeah. AI is gonna be a game changer for our health. It's gonna be a game changer for our lives, period. So I wrote the book, it got published about 10 days ago.
Challaine (54:54)
which you were a part of. Yeah, yeah.
David Diaz (55:16)
It's going good and I'm pretty happy with it. I'm writing more books now.
Challaine (55:16)
Congratulations.
I
know you start one and you're like, I gotta keep going, like all these new thoughts and ideas.
David Diaz (55:25)
Yeah, yeah. Yeah,
no. So it's been great. β so that's what's going on with me right now. And I've been completely blessed. Completely.
Challaine (55:41)
and you are happy to announce that you are cancer.
David Diaz (55:46)
I've been in remission for almost six years and it's been great. β Don't get me wrong, there's still some hiccups that happen, but that's what they are. They're just hiccups. I look at everything now as temporarily. But I've been cancer free for six years now and my health has been...
Challaine (55:50)
Yes. Yes.
that
gives me goosebumps. I love that for you.
David Diaz (56:17)
It's been good and it's
been great, great.
Challaine (56:23)
You have turned an incredible, incredible, incredible pain and turned it into your mission, your purpose, your passion, and you continue to be of service to a brotherhood like you did for 25 years of your life. Mr. Diaz, I salute you. Thank you for your service. Thank you for your continued service. I am the daughter of a Vietnam vet, so I understand.
a few of the mental things that can come from that, from being in the service, if you have experienced those. So I thank you. I truly do from the bottom of my heart. And we're going to add your book to the show notes. Where can people find you and this tremendous group that you are a part of?
David Diaz (57:19)
Well, thank you. Thank you for those words. I really appreciate that. And you can find me on my website at thereluctantbrotherhood.org. If you know of anyone that has prostate cancer or gone through it, send them my way. And I also do a lot of one-on-one coaching. So if they just want to talk.
Challaine (57:38)
sending them to you. Yeah.
David Diaz (57:47)
and they don't want to go into a group format, just hit me up and be more than happy. And then the book, of course you can find it on Amazon, is on Amazon and how to use AI to win against your prostate cancer.
Challaine (58:01)
Say it again, what's the title of the book?
Love that. Mr. Diaz, thank you so much for β being on the show today. I'd like to finish the episodes with a quote or a saying. You did bring one up earlier. You may have another one. You brought one up by Sylvester Stallone. I like to use, every journey begins with a single step. That's one that stands out for me. Do you want to go ahead with that one from Sylvester Stallone again, or do you have another one that you could share? Okay.
David Diaz (58:36)
Actually, I have my own. So
prostate cancer may redefine your days, but it doesn't define you.
Challaine (58:46)
it one more.
David Diaz (58:49)
Prostate cancer may redefine your days, but it doesn't define you.
Challaine (58:57)
Thank you so much, David. And thank you everyone for tuning in. Please, please, please like share the crap out of this. Everybody knows somebody who is probably being impacted by prostate cancer. Reach out to David at the reluctant brotherhood.org. Is that correct? Awesome, awesome. And as always, I hope you have the best day ever and we'll chat next time.
David Diaz (59:17)
That's
Thank you so much.